Performance anxiety

In this first article, I want to talk to you about how philosophy can help you overcome a state of mind that is often experienced when facing a challenge or a change: performance anxiety.

Imagine you’ve just started a new job or have been asked to take on a new responsibility. You’re happy; it’s a significant opportunity for your career, and you feel that your hard work has finally paid off. However, after the initial joy, you start to worry. You think about what others expect from you, wanting to ensure everyone is satisfied with your performance. You perceive every criticism or mistake as a setback, taking you off the right path.

While these thoughts are common and entirely understandable, building your career and, in general, your life on these assumptions is harmful. They may work in the short term, but in the long run, you end up constantly feeling anxious, drained, and out of control of your life.

Adlerian theory can help us defuse this way of thinking. Alfred Adler was an Austrian psychologist who lived between the 19th and 20th centuries and is considered the founder of individual psychology.

Today, I want to focus on two principles that can help us live our lives, both professionally and personally, in a better way.

Do not live to please others

When we interact with someone we esteem, or generally in social contexts we deem important, we want to feel adequate. We want to feel that there’s harmony with the other person, that we’re doing well, and that we’re appreciated. This desire is legitimate, provided it doesn’t turn into the need to please others at all costs.

Adler teaches us that seeking approval from others takes us away from ourselves and leads us to live a life that someone else has designed for us.

To avoid falling into this trap, every time we are asked to do something or are faced with a choice, we must understand what our tasks are and only concern ourselves with those, without taking on the tasks of others.

How do we understand what our tasks are and what they are not? We must think about who, ultimately, will benefit from the results of the action in question. It is our task to choose what we believe is best for us; it is the task of others to decide how to react to our choices, and this is something we have no influence over.

Let’s imagine your manager offers you a new position: it’s a significant career advancement, but in a field that doesn’t interest you. You discuss it with your friends or your parents, who tell you that you would be crazy not to seize such an opportunity and that there are people who would give anything to have the same chance. Your manager himself confides that he has high expectations for you and that you are the perfect choice for that position. At the same time, however, you feel that you don’t want this role: the field doesn’t interest you, and it would take you away from an aspect of your current job that you enjoy. Deciding what is best for you is your task; taking on the potential disappointment of others is not.

Pleasing others is not part of our tasks, and that’s why when we do, we feel anxious and burdened with a responsibility larger than ourselves. Dealing only with the tasks that concern us allows us to live according to our priorities and live peacefully with the consequences of our actions.

Accepting the fact that we may disappoint or upset the people close to us is the only way to live in the fullness of our freedom.

Live in the present

It’s common to think of our lives as a straight line: the present is the point where we find ourselves today, behind us lies the past, and in front of us is the future we aspire to. According to this framework, we believe that our past and present choices inevitably determine the future, the moment when we can enjoy the fruits of our labor.

While it’s correct to think that our actions have repercussions on our lives, it’s harmful to live our past and present experiences as necessary prerequisites for the future.

This mindset leads us to live in a state of constant anxiety about what could happen, to think about how every choice we make must be the right one, lest we deviate from the perfect course our life should take.

Instead, Adler suggests thinking of our lives as a series of moments that we inevitably experience in the present. The present is the only moment we can live, and as such, it’s the only one worth focusing on.

Focusing on the present allows us to make conscious choices, dictated by who we are, rather than by the expectations we have set for the future. Listening to our present self helps us understand our desires, our needs, what makes us happy, and prevents us from making choices based on a hypothetical future we are striving for, for which we have already categorized every choice or event as right or wrong.

For example, imagine your manager asks you to work on a new project. You put in a lot of effort, dedicating the time and concentration it requires, but in the end, your manager is dissatisfied and expresses disappointment with your work. If you think of your life in linear terms, you can only perceive this event as a serious failure, an obstacle between you and the path to success. Instead, thinking of life as a series of moments, you’ll interpret this event as an experience where you have learned something about yourself, your work, or how to approach your manager.

Let’s consider our career and life not as a line pointing in a predefined direction, but as a series of present moments: we don’t know where we’re headed, but we live each moment responsibly and self-aware. This approach helps us be open to change, rather than seeing ourselves locked into a predetermined life. It helps us live each experience as an opportunity to understand ourselves, rather than as a moment that brings us closer to or farther from the ideal version of ourselves that we have set.